I love blogging it has gives me a sense of having a diary except that this is totally public, not private or sacred like how I imagine a diary to be. I mean I have a book that I write things in but its mostly little notes to myself like 'must book a dental appointment'. Is something wrong with me that the only journalistic medium for my thoughts and feelings is a blog? Is it because we live in a society so embedded in what others think that even though there is a  chance of this blog being something that only I view I find it thrilling that other could potentially too? It is sure sad  when we think about it that way. There is twitter where you say whats on your mind instead of just meeting up with a friend and telling them whats on your mind, you follow all these random people who most likely are not even following you back. Funny enough while I love my friends and value them, I probably would not tell them half of things that I have written on this blog. What is with the need of making private public? These are supposed to be private feelings, I am not a journalist I should just be writing these things in my diary. The thing is  I find this very therapeutic even though for the most part I am a very private person. I dont even own a cell phone and I don't jitter at the thought of not having one. Even when I did have a cell phone most who knew me always knew that I probably didn't have it with me, I left it at home constantly like a home phone. I however, find that while I cannot express myself verbally in terms of emotions I can do it through the medium of words via this blog. Its a really strange thing to process actually, maybe I am just a product of my time. Wanting to get heard, feeling like your words will not have much impact but wanting to try in the least embarrassing way.. Knowing that you need to somehow express how you feel. Its messed..I usually hate emotional people, in fact I still do (its friggin annoying). I usually hate people who feel the need to tell everyone their sad story. But the fact is maybe they are on to something, instead of shoving down feelings like I do in my real non blogging life they express them and feel happier much to the annoyance of others but hell yuh know everyone knows you gotta be selfish in life sometimes. Well most people like my boyfriend likes to play (pretend) to be the moral compass of annoyance and pretends he doesnt adhere to that but let me just state this you will not be successful in any part of your life if you don't start being a little selfish, WE ALL DO IT (consciously, subconsciously whatever makes you feel better).

Well anyhoot that was much of a bender, I guess I am making up for lost days I cant stop thinking. This week has been super busy as I have been trying to get a grip on my finances...and I will tell you this taking that shit into some of your own damn control feels great and so empowering. Go in and talk to your financial adviser (start with your bank), get recommendations even if its online reviews for places you can go to see your options, I feel so much better being on this road. A road to financial discovery and opportunities. The quicker you realize you dont know everything the quicker you learn more. This week my sexy husband to be went on a business trip to Mexico and for that whole week I didnt talk to him he wrote me some brief facebook messages. The point is it as much as I love him it almost gave me a swift kick in the ass of independence. I think knowing he's always there sorta cripples me even though he's the most supportive person. The happier I am personally the happier I will be in this relationship I know that for sure. But its weird for some reason this week I got my ass up everyday and had an appointment made plans attended interviews, researched things and saw movement in my life like no other week. Now that he's back and I cant wait to talk to him I need to regain that energy and commitment to my time and how I spend it which I think was the biggest lesson for me. I was more concerned with dealing with this stuff than making time to talk to anyone. And the fact is in the back of my head like always he is one of my main motivations. I actually think for the first time I have a financial chance of making this move happen independently without the excuse of having a great boyfriend that can help me out...

Anyways TIP OF THE DAY: Never forget your independent self!!