Hello world,

Today I realized an interesting thing about life in general, most of us are scared of honesty. We say we want people to be honest with us, yet we cringe with uncomfortable thoughts regarding the truth. Why is that? While there are many examples of where this is true, today I will speak about one in particular...shopping.

As I sit in front the t.v. and browse my shopping websites, a guilty pleasure of mines, I come across the most annoying word time after time. Think about it, what could that word be. Well, once you hear it you will roll your eyes and your belly will grumble as mines does right now. And the word of the hour is "affordable".

I like the word cheap, its straight to the point. So what if it has a negative connotation maybe the fact is broke people like myself are looking for cheap not "affordable". So stop selling the dream by trying to convince me that a $300 dollar jacket is affordable just because it is made by a known expensive designer. But a $30 jacket only because we are talking about outerwear is cheap, at least then it would be arguable.
People don't get sucked into these stupid lines like 'affordable' just because Jessica the socialite says that this $300 leather jacket is affordable. It doesn't mean by any mean that it is anywhere affordable for you. So how about you just go buy a whole outfit plus shoes and purse for $300. Let that be your new outfit for $300 be your monthly outfit shop IF you can even afford that much. Man, I am tired of these privileged people telling me whats affordable. No, I will not be spending  $80 for your AFFORDABLE shirt. Its a damn SHIRT! So, I urge people who are broke like myself and do not live in a pretend world, buy cheap please. Well you may say broke girl, isn't cheap technically relative too? And I will say to you, I am glad your thinking. So lets say this, something is cheap when you can actually  pay your bill without credit and still be able to buy it. Yes, it may mean you may go months without new clothing and that may just be a pill of your reality that you need to swallow.
Yes, about my fascination with online shopping, its ridiculous actually. Yes, I have actually bought a couple things online but mostly I have watched things that I would like to have online; As I have said before its a guilty pleasure of mines. Sometimes what Ill do is look online for really cool trends like the black and white colour blocking that I am in love with right now and check out stores for something like it. Sometimes that actually works, but a lot of times regretfully it doesn't really work as much as I would like to say that to you. Why? well mainly because I hate physical shopping from the time it takes me more than 20 mins to find what I want I am totally over it! So here are some tips for online shoppers like myself where you are not gonna fall for that stupid affordable dream their selling you and you hate physically going into a store like I do.

So here are my Tips for CHEAP online shopping:

- Get free shipping where you dont have to spend more than 60 bucks to get it.
- Look for the not so famous online shopping sites that are local.
- Use sites that you can bid or negotiate the price of products
- Compare the great product you found online to your local budget store that you can actually go to, figure out if this online price is worth it.
- Make sure you get free returns on product
- Check several prices to see who honestly offers it for the cheapest with shipping in mind.

So there you have it folks, hope that helps
TIP OF THEY DAY: "RECLAIM THE WORD 'CHEAP'''

Its funny today I feel like taking stuff I love to do like writing this blog and trying to make money. Is that wrong of me that something that started so sacred to me is becoming something I want to exploit for money? Am I a bad person because of this? The whole point of this blog was to release my feelings and hopefully help other broke people. The fact is, I have always secretly wanted to write a book. I think the lesson with all of this for me personally is to find creative solutions for my problems. As most of you know who read this blog I am a BROKE GIRL.... I think I have reached a new stage entirely though.. I am applying for jobs in general that I feel a connection to like travel or writing or something in general that I love. I mean sitting in front of the computer and listening for the phone all day is a broke girl's reality. The fact is I gotta make things happen for me. I have to create opportunities for myself and constantly evolve in the way I am doing things. There are way to many broke people out there these days for me to be doing the same things all of them are doing. I need to create an edge for myself and while I have not figured that out completely, it something I must work on figuring out. I need to find things I am good at and show that I can excel at it. Boy oh Boy life is a friggin learning experience. I never really used to take that in before like I do now.  On another note some things just piss me of like I went to an interview last week where I thought for sure I would get the job without saying to much I loved the industry, I thought I spoke very well and showed my leadership skills with every task I was given but still did not receive a phone call. I guess I haven't found the special formula yet to getting out of this broke life.. But be sure to know once I figure anything else out I will be sure to post it....!

Don't keep knowledge to yourself, that some selfish bitch ass shit! Okay, maybe I feel too strongly about it..oh well.

What a day to be a broke girl. I just need a job with benefits. I am killing my eyes with these ill-fitted contacts and I am pretty sure I now have lots of cavities. I am a teeth person so the cavity thing bothers me more than most. I have decided to book an appointment at a local college to get my teeth cleaning and fillings done for cheap. A broke girls gotta do what a broke girls gotta do. Any dime I spend is an investment because it needs to be in my situation. Thank God I am lucky enough to live at home and contribute whenever I can. I feel for those broke like me who don't have that sort of backing..I mean technically its embarrassing both ways. More importantly the lesson for broke girls and guys like me is not let your pride be your demise. If your this broke then maybe you should go for some government assistance or something not to the point where your stuck on it forever but to the point where you can have the time to regain some sense of independence again. Now that I am in this situation I see more clearly why people go on welfare and I am not as opposed to it as I was before. I was the type to think i'd rather sit on a sidewalk and beg for money before excepting welfare. But hey, your probably paying towards it anyways so why not seek out help from it if you really need it. The whole world doesn't have to know and obviously it shouldn't be your long term goal, I believe in this fully, -  like really dont boast about your government checks that is just tacky as hell. Don't be dumb and say I dont want a better paying job because my welfare checks will go down but don't be dumb enough to get in more credit card debt to cover your ass when all you need is some temporary assistance. Yesterday, I was caught babysitting my little cousin who stayed home because she was supposedly sick even though I saw no evidence of it (can't say its something I never did when I was younger). She had me thinking though, it must be hard as hell to be a broke girl parent. The fact is while our common denominator might be that we are broke we have such varying situations that can make our situations feel worse or easier in different ways. My cousin bless her little heart was sucking the life out of me yesterday! She is probably one of the easiest kids to babysit as well which made me think, shit this gets worse???!!. I had my financial stuff to take care of and phone calls to make all of which I had to be cancelled yesterday. She constantly asked for things and wanted to talk. Even when I made her do activities they seemed to not last long enough and there I was helping her with them. She was always hungry and needed help. The fact is she is 5 years old and she wasn't asking for anything or acting crazy, she was actually acting her age. So my advice to parents would have to be if you don't have that support of a spouse or family members MAKE FRIENDS! You need someone, stop thinking you can do it all on your own because you are probably doing a crappy job all on your own. No-one likes to say what I just said, we tell people oh she is an independent female, she does it well all on her own. Well I am here to tell you that's BULLSHIT! When you are dealing with your life and the life of others plus the broke life, you tend to get burnt out and probably half ass or even quarter ass everything. So, SEEK OUT HELP maybe its a social worker, maybe its a nice family in your neighbourhood/building, maybe its a daycare service or even a church group whatever, point: you need help. Now don't get me wrong don't become too dependent on other people or things because at the end of the day you are the parent and you need to own that role. However, your only human and you will need help. So don't be too proud, too lazy or too busy to do what needs to be done in all areas for you and the people in your lives especially since you are dealing with the broke life.

Good Luck Folks,

TIP of the DAY: You are only human so dont be ashamed to seek out the help you need and do the things you need to do..

So today I woke up again with a whole anxiety attack that has been happening way too much lately. I am so stressed and so busy for someone who only has a part time job. I think even though yesterday I was boasting about my independence this week since I didnt talk to my boyfriend, I may have been hurting my overall health in a way. No, I am not being dramatic. I think not having him there to talk to and smile for a little bit actual set me in such a individual independent state that I didnt share anything and held on my anxiety in while completing task after task. Yes, I got soo much done like way more than if I had him hear to talk to. I guess its like you have to have a real balance. I holding your independence down and still taking the time to smile with those you love. Like I said I am a very private person so there are not too many people that I feel comfortable with telling my too. Even more what I notice I tend to do is downplay my stress and even make a joke about in fear of seeming like a burden. I never want to be that annoying broke girl who has got to tell everybody her woes so much so that they make everything about them. For some reason I get stuck listening these people when I have real debt and real stresses in my life too. But my boyfriend who I am so greatful to have has really worked with me to be more honest about my feelings and sad to say he's the only person I feel like I can be really open with. But lets be honest I dont even tell him my 100% stress about things or even this blog for a matter of fact, I cant help but leave details of my woes out. I guess its because I grew up in a home where you kept things private like if there is a job I am really excited about my mom will say dont tell anyone. if there is something I am going through in so many words my mom would say dont tell anyone. I think she meant in the best way, you know not wanting any evil eye from anyone in a sense. But in many ways this mindset I have had made me feel isolated in so many ways. Honestly I think I became more open with things only four years ago when I started University and I think it was because I moved away from home and in a sense felt like noone could really judge me. I had a new slate, funny because I think only two people in my university career really knew me and that was me really opening up. One of them was my boyfriend. He really softened me up, now I find myself crying much quicker than I used to, I THINK THE ICE AROUND MY HEART IS MELTING AHHHH!! yeah but seriously....

I think my broke tip for day today would have to be ...Dont forget  to take the time to enjoy your life because life has enough for you to be stressed out about.

I love blogging it has gives me a sense of having a diary except that this is totally public, not private or sacred like how I imagine a diary to be. I mean I have a book that I write things in but its mostly little notes to myself like 'must book a dental appointment'. Is something wrong with me that the only journalistic medium for my thoughts and feelings is a blog? Is it because we live in a society so embedded in what others think that even though there is a  chance of this blog being something that only I view I find it thrilling that other could potentially too? It is sure sad  when we think about it that way. There is twitter where you say whats on your mind instead of just meeting up with a friend and telling them whats on your mind, you follow all these random people who most likely are not even following you back. Funny enough while I love my friends and value them, I probably would not tell them half of things that I have written on this blog. What is with the need of making private public? These are supposed to be private feelings, I am not a journalist I should just be writing these things in my diary. The thing is  I find this very therapeutic even though for the most part I am a very private person. I dont even own a cell phone and I don't jitter at the thought of not having one. Even when I did have a cell phone most who knew me always knew that I probably didn't have it with me, I left it at home constantly like a home phone. I however, find that while I cannot express myself verbally in terms of emotions I can do it through the medium of words via this blog. Its a really strange thing to process actually, maybe I am just a product of my time. Wanting to get heard, feeling like your words will not have much impact but wanting to try in the least embarrassing way.. Knowing that you need to somehow express how you feel. Its messed..I usually hate emotional people, in fact I still do (its friggin annoying). I usually hate people who feel the need to tell everyone their sad story. But the fact is maybe they are on to something, instead of shoving down feelings like I do in my real non blogging life they express them and feel happier much to the annoyance of others but hell yuh know everyone knows you gotta be selfish in life sometimes. Well most people like my boyfriend likes to play (pretend) to be the moral compass of annoyance and pretends he doesnt adhere to that but let me just state this you will not be successful in any part of your life if you don't start being a little selfish, WE ALL DO IT (consciously, subconsciously whatever makes you feel better).

Well anyhoot that was much of a bender, I guess I am making up for lost days I cant stop thinking. This week has been super busy as I have been trying to get a grip on my finances...and I will tell you this taking that shit into some of your own damn control feels great and so empowering. Go in and talk to your financial adviser (start with your bank), get recommendations even if its online reviews for places you can go to see your options, I feel so much better being on this road. A road to financial discovery and opportunities. The quicker you realize you dont know everything the quicker you learn more. This week my sexy husband to be went on a business trip to Mexico and for that whole week I didnt talk to him he wrote me some brief facebook messages. The point is it as much as I love him it almost gave me a swift kick in the ass of independence. I think knowing he's always there sorta cripples me even though he's the most supportive person. The happier I am personally the happier I will be in this relationship I know that for sure. But its weird for some reason this week I got my ass up everyday and had an appointment made plans attended interviews, researched things and saw movement in my life like no other week. Now that he's back and I cant wait to talk to him I need to regain that energy and commitment to my time and how I spend it which I think was the biggest lesson for me. I was more concerned with dealing with this stuff than making time to talk to anyone. And the fact is in the back of my head like always he is one of my main motivations. I actually think for the first time I have a financial chance of making this move happen independently without the excuse of having a great boyfriend that can help me out...

Anyways TIP OF THE DAY: Never forget your independent self!!

Well yes, I have noticed my writing is a bit more inconsistant which should mean I am totally busy. Well not exactly, yes I am a bit busier but not totally busy. Havent found a full time job yet, I have been applying for some interesting ones. I am just a alot stressed financially and I cant seem to concentrate because of it. I have definitely made my share of financial mistakes and that does not include going to University. So I am currently going to a couple appointments to talk about my different options like should I consolidate, would I even get approved to do so? Should I do debt settlement is the penalty on my credit worth it? I mean I am young so I do have time to make back up my credit and the way I see it I will never own a home nor do I really want it. I think back in the day owning a home was a sense a pride and I think that for a lot of young people these days owning a home just seems like way more stress physically, mentally and financially than we are willing to have. We finish school later, most of us accrue so much student loans and personal debt because of how easy it is for us to get a credit card, I mean foreal the companies are there on your first day of school just ready to sign you up into debt and the next thing you know your of to Spain or whatever your guilty pleasure is. The other day at work, I had lunch with an older woman who was going on about how its so great to own your own home. And I began to argue with her, is it really that great? The property taxes are NOT cheap in my city, the insurance I will have to buy, the mortgage I will have to carry even if I got a condo, I would have to pay maintenance fees. And additionally, you have this huge symbol of bride that takes and takes and your afraid to just let it go and move into an apartment because of embarrassment of a downgrading life. Maybe I am young and naive and do not understand these things enough but I am not buying the dream at all. My goal is to be debt free in like 10 years preferably wayy before that, but I am realistic. Live in a really great apartment in some exotic part of the world and work somewhere I love, travel freely, and be living life to the fullest. I will probably not be rich even though that would be wonderful but I want to be able to afford some investments where I have a real chance of getting some returns. Man I am not living just a poor life, I am living a poverty life in a middle class environment. I always say to the beggers on the street, "you are doing better than me", you have nothing, I have less than nothing. WAYYY....Single mothers will probably hate me for saying this but you have the government who is really willing to support you plus you get child bonuses. Me on the other hand even if I went on welfare I would get next to nothing AND once they found out about my part time job I would really be getting nothing. So its sucks vs. sucks...

Anyhoot for anyone who still checks in and reads my blog THANKS!

Hey Guys,

As the snow piles up outside I am reminded sometimes it aint bad to stay home..lol...I feel sorry for folks who have to go out and work in this weather. The traffic, the long waits, the coldness and the frustrations. Not missing it while I sit at home and write this blog. For those of you who actually read my blog which may just be 4 people, I fell off the wagon a little. I was sorta busy with things and let this slide a bit. But that's part of my problem (my laziness). Blogging actually helps me get my thoughts out and my strategies fitted.  These past few days of the not blogging my mind has started to get bogged up again. What I will say is, starting a blog of your own or even journalling is really therapeutic. Its not like magic happens and life changing events happen because I am writing this blog but somehow someway it helps. For me personally things started changing for me..I started to admit my faults and actively working on it and I found ways to help myself and even purge my mind of shit so my heart and mind had a little more energy to fight another fight. This week since I fell off the wagon I feel as though I am losing a bit of my spunk again. I have now enrolled in a cheap online teosl language teaching course for Germany and I am applying to teach some people around the city so I have real life experience. But I am realizing once again how much I hated school, I hated doing things i thought was stupid and let me tell you this course has a lot of borderline bogus parts but really I want  that certificate so I gotta push. I am still working on ofcourse getting a fulltime job..With my part-time job I am working from tom. to tues. so thats not that bad for my part time working ass. I started a business over the summer which I think I am gonna start again in May. Sometimes I wish I was a fulltime student just so I could take advantage of some business grants. But I couldn't see what I needed to do then and I hope and pray that right now that I am seeing all the opportunities I can take advantage of while in this situation. I think I am gonna take another stab at my business. Randomly yesterday I got an email about it, maybe thats a sign I should get back into it. hmmm
TIP of day:
Dont let any opportunities pass you, and that may mean that you actively need to go looking for them!!

Dont Worry!

I haven't forgotten about you...Life has been a little busy over the last two days which I am love with. I like being busy, makes me feel like I have purpose. Well I worked on Sunday it was boring cuz i was by my self..Had a blast with my friends on Sat which proly contributed to Sunday being like it was.. Overall, I am making some headway in my goal of being in Germany by the end of this year. I have decided to enrol in a tefl course and a German language course which should  help my employment chances in Germany. I have also been applying to jobs there right now and inquiring about different things so I feel a little more empowered about the situation. I have been applying of course to jobs here and working on increasing my part time hours. Broke Girl is motivated! One of my additional goals is to go to Germany without any credit card debt and boy oh boy do I have a lot credit card debt. But its a goal that I am willing to sweat to complete and God help me I need all the help I can get and I am going to work my butt off to accomplish that goal. You know what I noticed about this broke life when you feel a little zest or energy all of a sudden you gotta squeeze the fuck out of it! While most people will use this motivational energy to complete one task you complete 8 because the broke life is a sad super depressing one. You got all this time to your hands and a little energy USE IT.. Do all the things you wanted to do that you never had time to and plan it all and do it all...Its time for you to achieve your goals.

oh today,

worked, babysat cousins and sopposed to go out. i know i usually always free but im tired. and i wouldnt be sad if plans failed tonight...but i know its good to get out with friends. but i mean my belly hurts too. Damn i am getting old or maybe i just feel old. was too busy to think about how broke i was today..lol...man i dunno i thinks kids exhaust u more than the job. when i have them i wanna be rich enough to have a nanny...lol, well, their bedtime woould have to be 7pm. let the husband babysit....i think its the cold, or my eye being strained by a contact not meant for it. but measures have to be made for the times...

anyhoot have a fun sat. night

Hello You,

So today I had a very productive day. I sent out emails to different German job agencies and things for expats so that my move to Germany at the end of the year is a more fluid one. No, I did not meet my man online, I know that works for others but that shit still scares the hell out of me. We met at school in case your wondering, he became  really successful and I DIDNT. Being unemployed or underemployed can be seen as an opportunity, it is an opportunity to explore and do things that you would have probably been to busy to do if you working full time. When I worked 6days a week I didnt really accomplish anything personally besides deal with some bills, which I was happy to do but here I am not in that same situation I might as well use the time with some purpose. Well everyone knows about my get more healthy plan, my debt repayment plan and now my plan to move to a different country. Its actually very exciting. I still work on the weekends and thank God for that until I get the job I am meant to have. I get to really analyze my resume and apply for jobs that I think I will be very good at and I am qualified for. I remember working at jobs I hated and it took so much of my time that I really had no time to look for anything better 'I was stuck'. The fact is, while my part time job is something that a 12 year old could do successfully, I really enjoy it! And it pays a bit more than minimum wage. Now, I just need to find a full-time job that I also really enjoy, where I can finally consolidate my credit card debt and get it paid off by December and then leave with my hair in the wind. My point today I get is....

Don't waste your time, even if you feel like you have a lot of time to waste!