So, today while I eat my cereal I think to myself now where am I fucking up. For me its definitely my lack of confidence and my laziness. Most people who know me would probably say broke girl definitely does not have a lack of confidence and for the most part I didnt. However, having your life slap you in the face when you look at your situation and what you wanted it to be is a confidence killer. I used to think I was great at interviews now, I am completely nervous and find myself leaving out critical information that could help me get jobs. I dont take on responsibilities that I know I can handle for fear of messing them up. I am probably the best person to create events and work within a very small budget and I have not gotten many roles that pretty much wanted this from me in a sense because I lacked the confidence. Having no's thrown at you is just a confidence killer and I know its supposed to make you work harder and prove others wrong...But I tell you once that initial zest/energy leaves you its hard to keep that mindset ( and you have to consciously keep your positivity up) and I try. You have bills to pay and you cant pay them, you wanna get out the house but you cant afford it, these things to say the least are demoralizing. And while I am a likable person I  cant seem to get a real job person and that shit hurts.  I fuck up with my laziness too I wont lie and I think at the core of my laziness there is a lack of confidence. I was thinking to write an email to my embassy in Germany as I want to use the youth mobility visa (a visa that allows you to work and travel in a country for a year and a half, you must be under 30 to take advantage) anyways I haven't gotten so as even inquiring about things because I have found every excuse including my favorite show to not write the damn email, and I think its partly because I cant stand to hear one more negative thing. 

To think about it us broke people all have atleast one big thing that seems to keep us broke. Mines would definitely be travelling, I love to travel, and the fact is I really cant afford to travel.

Material things keeping broke people broke;

Your House/Apartment
Your Car/ Motorbike
Your Shopping addiction (clothes, shoes etc.)
Your Travel
Your Food/ Going out for food
Your Business

The fact is most of us want to keep these things. They are things that for some reason or the other makes us feel happy and even accomplished. But the fact is, and trust me I feel you personally is we either gotta find a way to afford these things or let these things go. Since its the beginning of the year lets start a challenge.. If you haven't found a way to afford these things in the next 10 months then we need to let them go for the next 10 months after which we can evaluate if we can now afford them or not.

Good Luck folks!

And thanks for reading, I find it so awesome that people want to read what I gotta say. But the fact is life is not just one persons problems its all of our problems who are you know, alive.

I wish  you a great life!