Hello world,

So I am pretty sure I got a mini anxiety attack this morning because I am soo stressed out. I work up like 4am in a panic. pure panic about my life. I think more than the ongoing bills get to me, the fact that I am not doing more actually gets to me more. What was the point of going through four years of University and all of this debt  when I cant even find a decent playing full-time job. Before I decided to go to University I worked for a big organization where somehow I was able to talk to a vp there and he's like "ill give you a chance". Does noone think I am worth a chance now? Like I understand the recession hit and a lot of jobs went out the window and I am pretty much graduated in the worst time but for hella sake why am I so fucking unlucky that someone doesnt even want to take a stinkin chance on me especially now that I am way more qualified for things now than I was then. Where the fuck has my luck gone? Like, ofcourse everything in life cannot be achieved just with luck alone but, LUCK is kind of important. I am sooo sick and tired of people downplaying some luck. I go somewhere talk to a really great person, and they offer me a job on the spot and I am finally able to prove myself. Its so sad because since I graduated I havent even been able to try and prove myself on the job. I know I will be fucking excellent I have so much to prove to others but most importantly myself. As I sit at home or at my part time job which admittedly sometimes turnes into a full time job I am loosing skills for things I actually want to do.
I think a big problem with me and maybe you face this too especially lets just say you studied something in the arts is that technically you can do so many jobs and others see it as nothing. which is sooo disrespectful. I think I lack focus, I dont really exactly know what I want to do with my life. The only thing I know is I wanna have a job that challenges me, allows me to grow as a person and within the company and makes me lots of money. But ofcourse, thats not good for the masses, they like to stick you in a box. I feel fuckin uncomfortable in a damn box but I am really considering just pushing my head into the turkey's butt...

Wish me good luck and positivity for the day cuz my heart cant handle it!